Insta-Envy

A few years ago, I sat in church listening to a message on 1 Corinthians 13, the famous “love” chapter.  “Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it is not rude, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs…” Greg encouraged us to do a self-evaluation.  Some qualities of love immediately jumped out at me as major weaknesses. However, there was one area where I felt I “scored” well. Love does not envy.

I am a minimalist at heart.  I’m actually content with LESS, rather than more.  I don’t want other people’s stuff and I see myself as rich in comparison to most of the world.  “Well”, I thought smugly, “at least my love score can be high in one category!”

Enter Instagram.  About one week after I sat in church congratulating myself for not struggling with envy, I signed up for an Instagram account. It was not for personal reasons, but to use as a platform for my budding furniture business. As such, I began following many other DIY’ers, interior designers and furniture artists.  After only TWO DAYS, I realized to my horror that my love does not envy score had plummeted.

This lovely tablescape was put together by thehouseofswans.

This is, on the other hand, is our typical dinner table.

“Seriously, your house looks like that?!” I found myself murmuring out loud.  “Your table is always set? We are lucky to have a napkin and fork land in the same spot! And those white couches and pillows?  They wouldn’t last a day in my house! Wow, you are so talented! My furniture is nothing. Why would anyone even want to buy something from me?  Everyone in the world is more talented, more beautiful and having more fun than me!” My internal dialogue was nauseating.

The thing that shook me up most though, was my heart response.  Instagram did not produce envy in me, it just called out what already existed in my heart.  Ugh! I hadn’t seen that coming. I had to repent. I had to speak the truths that were getting stifled by the endless scroll. “Take care and be on your guard against covetousness, for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of His possessions.” (Or one’s sense of style, or picture perfect living room, or tidy house, or business success, or even one’s followers and likes, I might add.)

I lasted about a week and closed my account.  I just couldn’t handle the pressure, the competition, the comparison.   It wasn’t the stuff I envied. It was the talent. And the imaginary lives I pictured behind the photos, where white couches never got stains, dinners were eaten around beautifully set tables, and family vacations were enjoyed by all.

Here’s the thing, when I look at a photo on Instagram or Facebook, I imagine a life that most likely doesn’t exist. I see everyone’s highlight reel. But it’s an illusion. Because, who takes pictures in the middle of a fight, or when their house is a mess or when the family vacation is ruined by arguing in the back seat?   Who posts honestly about the hard things, the losses, the conflict, the heartache? It’s ok, we shouldn’t use social media as a counseling room! However, when I start to to think about everyone else’s “perfect”, I must remind myself that I am defined by nothing less than God’s assessment of me.  

Photo by painttheworldwhite... THIS is my idea of a beautiful family room!

This is MY family room on a random Thursday afternoon. Yes, the huge lines on the floor are stains from duct tape which the previous owners had used on the carpet. And yes, I still fantasize that SOMEDAY this room will have wood floors and white couches!

The truth is, I am loved and valued by the God of the universe. I am His treasured child, and He has gone to the most extravagant lengths to secure a relationship with me. According to Ephesians 1, in Christ I have every spiritual blessing. God has chosen to adopt me as His own daughter, redeemed my life from the pit, and forgiven all my sin. He lavishly pours His grace on me, is preparing an eternal inheritance for me in heaven, and has given me His Spirit as a guide and comforter. These blessings are securely mine. If my house never measures up, if no one ever “likes'“ my furniture, or if I don’t have all the latest styles…still, I am extremely blessed in ways that are not material or physical, but spiritual and eternal!

The comparison trap is an epidemic.  But apparently it’s nothing new, because over 2,000 years ago, Solomon addressed it in the Bible.  Ecclesiastes 4:4 says “Then I saw that all toil, all skill in work, come from a man’s envy of his neighbor. This also is vanity and a striving after the wind.”  Contentment is as realistic as grasping the wind when I am comparing myself to others, whether on my street, or on my social media feed. However, if I find my worth in what God says of me, I am set free from the tyranny of envy. I don’t need one more item, or talent or accolade. I know that my life is already overflowing with blessings, worth far more than any of those temporary things.

I just opened a new Instagram.  My prayer is that I will be able to use it for my blog and as an encouragement to others. But if I get sucked into the quicksand of comparison and envy, I’ll be signing off yet again. So, if my account disappears in a week or so,you’ll know why!

EDITED TO ADD: I lasted less than a month. I am no longer active on social media.